Trees

These past days have been such a blur.....so much to be digesting and so little space to just sit and be. Thursday as well as the last few days after our ultrasound have been a surreal experience for me. As we drove to our appointment I was staring out the window begging God not to let the view look any different on our way home. All the emotions of how we drove home after finding the news about Pearl came flooding back in. Then that quiet voice came and reminded me of the song I woke up singing that morning....the hymn "Blessed Assurance". I can't remember the last time I heard or sang that song. The words are so rich and the truth so loudly spoken. The rest of the drive I tired to breathe and sing the song, knowing that no matter the outcome of the visit He loved me and we did have Blessed Assurance that all will be well and we will praise our Saviour all the day long. Perfect submission all is at rest, perfect delight, echos of mercy and whispers of love...ahh good words. (Avalon has a great version of this song!) The walk into the office was long and we were pretty quiet. As soon as the tech told us she was ready I burst into tears and it took me a bit to get it together and lay back on the table. I knew I had to stop crying so she could get a good look at the baby. She was so good to us and explained everything in detail. I must have asked 100 times, "Are you sure everything looks alright?" Both J and I wept as she went through all the measurements and showed us a full head of brain....the relief in the room was almost tangible. SO many things we were able to see on that screen that we never saw on Pearl. I kept seeing Pearl's sweet face in my head as we looked at this baby's complete face....maybe this baby wouldn't even be here if Pearl was here with us. What a gift these children are! When the sonographer was done I couldn't believe it was over. It went by so fast....it was peaceful and so good. The phone calls after we were done were tear filled, but such a testimony of God's faithfulness. I am ashamed to say I was not sure those were the kind of phone calls we were going to get to make. Great faith I have huh?!

I knew that we would survive whatever the news would be and that we would continue to cling to Him in all things. I am so thankful for the good news...thankful that our roots go down deep even in the times where there seem to be no leaves on our tree. There is a big sycamore tree in our neighbors yard that I see every morning...right now it is ugly and has no leaves on it and is blown around and frozen most of the time these days. I do know that in a couple more months this tree will have huge, green leaves on it and will be beautiful. This tree survives the harsh winters because it's roots go down deep and is nourished even in the times the land is dry. I feel like that is where we are right now....the leaves were shaken off our tree for a season, but our roots went down deep and we hung onto the source of our strength. We did our best to fight of disease and stayed close to our provider..even lifted our dry branches to Him when it took all we had to stand. We will flourish again...the leaves will come back. First the tiny buds, then great big leaves that will be like the oak tree that Is. 61 talks about....a display of His splendor. I want that and am looking forward to this next season of our lives. I do know that there will be other season when the leaves will fall and we will fee dry, but we will never uproot ourselves looking for another source. We are camped in the land of hope...we have walked through the valley of sorrows and are walking toward the river of joy. Our roots need some of that kind of water, so our leaves will grow and be a picture of His redemption for all to see. When I get afraid I will continue to trust Him....no matter what. Thankful for the other trees that are around us as a display of His splendor. What a forest we live in....wanting the light to filter in and shine so all the trees are nourished.