Thursday, March 15, 2007

Keeping a quiet heart....

My heart has stopped pounding and the questions have settled down. I am trying to rest in the winds of change that are blowing and let the breeze be reassuring instead of frightening. He is holding my heart tenderly and calling for me to rest in His shadow. This is a good place to be, instead of flailing around frustrated. I want to do nothing that will take away from the specialness (is that a word?) of who Pearl was....only be a part of the plans that God has for our family because she is a part of us.

Keeping a quiet heart is a good place to be, thinking on the things that are true and and standing on the firm foundation that is beneath my feet.

Monday, March 12, 2007

Do we need a dictionary?

em·pa·thy (ĕm'pə-thē) n.
Identification with and understanding of another's situation, feelings, and motives. See synonyms at pity.
The attribution of one's own feelings to an object.
[EN–2 + –PATHY (translation of German Einfühlung).]

grace (grās) n.
Divine love and protection bestowed freely on people.
The state of being protected or sanctified by the favor of God.
An excellence or power granted by God.
God's undeserved, unmerited favor.

These are simple terms that maybe we use to much and truly do not understand the meaning of.

I just have a few questions that I may or may not know the answer to.....these are just a few of the things that are making me fired up!

Is there a limit on the grace that we are able or willing to extend to people? Is there a limit to the grace that is extended to us from God? Do you we really want to know what will happen if God's grace runs out for us? Do we do things for others expecting something in return? Do we have to make everything about us? Why do we place time limits on people's grieving process? Why do some people think that getting pregnant after a loss is like getting a new puppy that will make everything better? Do we need to apologize for doing what we feel is best for our family, even if others may not agree with it? Why do people have such high expectations of one another? Why do people do things just to be noticed and thanked? Do people realize they are missing the message of the gospel when we make life all about ourselves? Why do I let people hurt my heart so much? Why do I care?

I know these are a lot of questions that I am laying before the throne and asking God to help me resolve these in time....I want to be able to leave the questions that are unanswerable and learn from the ones that can be answered. My quivering heart cannot take much more of is already so fragile.

Sunday, March 11, 2007

All fired up...

Picture with me if you will....a sleepy mom and dad, cozy in bed just as the sun is coming up. A precious 5 year old with big, brown eyes and curly brown hair stomps into the bedroom breathing hard and sounding very frustrated. The sleepy mom heaves herself up and asks, "What is the matter?"

The sweet little boy responds with an exasperated, "I'm just all fired up mom and I don't know what to do!"

The mom says, "What are you so fired up about?"

"I don't know but my legs are just fired up right now....where is the lotion?"

So, for a week now we have all been saying "I'm just all fired up!" Makes for a good laugh as well as a very truthful statement for me right now. I am fired up....can't write about it yet because Blogger may kick me off for the fire that will come through the monitor as I type. I am crafting a way to tell the story without offending anyone and trying to get a good message of grace across.

I better go find the lotion and see if I apply a good slathering to my heart some of the fire will go out and the grace that I know is in me will be found.