Well, time for another milestone date in the calendar, 4 months today we said hello and goodbye much to quickly to our baby Pearl. Seems like yesterday and like so long ago all at the same time. I was thinking how at 4 months so much changes with a newborn....they start to babble, move to a 4 hour feeding schedule, sleeping all night consistently, and so much more. Their little personalities start to come out and those cheeks get even more kissable. These are things I am missing today. I am mad that I am not trying on clothes that are 3- 6 month size and boy did we have some cute ones to pass down! I am missing holding her tight in my arms as I do the 4 o'clock shuffle around the house. Strange how when I close my eyes and think of her she is still curled up in my arms with her lovie on her cheek. I know tonight I will hold her lovie even tighter than normal because it has been 4 months since she touched it.
At the same time I am also praying that this 4 month mark will be a milestone mark in our lives without Pearl. I know that each part of her is woven deep in our hearts and we will never forget, but there are moments that I can think of her and not cry. Our hearts are being made whole again....not just this quivering mass of bleeding flesh but a heart that is being firmly held by Jesus and being made whole again. We are longing to continue to see things from an eternal perspective not from this cloudy view that we see things here. I cringe when I hear people talk about the things that ruin their day.....I had someone tell me that I took all the fun out of them being pregnant and being able to tell people about it because I told my sister she was pregnant!!! Let me tell you what takes the fun out a pregnancy...or maybe I shouldn't. I want to remember to keep a realistic perspective on the events that happen in life. I look around my house and think of the things that use to bother me and ruin my day and I just smile at the dust on the dining room table, snicker at the water spots on the faucet in the bathroom...then I turn around and decide to go and read some more with my kids. I don't want to let the little things ruin my day...I want to keep my eyes fixed on Jesus and run away from the things that would hinder my ability to see Him clearly. I am thankful that Pearl was here to teach me these life lessons and I pray that others will see the importance of an eternal perspective too. Let's be real with eachother, let's make people feel comfortable enough to share their real hearts and not be afraid to cry with those that are crying and laugh when they are laughing.
I know there are those that are crying with me today and missing Pearl with us.....I hope that they are taking a good 4 month picture of her in heaven today because I can't wait to see her. Early this morning as I lay in bed I was remembering what it was like as I held her and watched as her heart stopped breathing.....I wondered again what it was like when she saw Jesus for the first time and I was longing once again for her to take me by the hand and take me to Jesus. I can't wait to run my hands through those black curls and have her show me around. We miss you Pearl and here is a big kiss for those soft, sweet cheeks from mama and daddy. We love you
PS- Josh and I both have our Pearl tattoos now....he got his last Friday night on his arm, it is Kanji for daughter and I got mine 3 weeks after she was born! She is permanently engraved on our hearts as well as our bodies now!
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