We went on a great hike yesterday......the boys did the whole 2 miles with no complaining and J had Z in a backpack the whole time! Actually J may have complained more than the boys did about the little princess that he was carrying. I know she had a great time having her daddies undivided attention all day. I wonder how many times he heard the ABC's? I was just watching the whole scene from the back and all the sudden I was once again overcome by the obvious.....there was one of us missing. It seems as if these family outings have a gaping hole in them....I miss the fact that there should be a baby with us. I should have been carrying Pearl in a Bijorn and having to stop to nurse her in the great outdoors. When will the obvious hole be less painful? When will I not be looking around and feel like something is missing? However, as we walked in such a beautiful setting I was reminded of how wide, how deep and how long God's love is for us......we are never missing from his sight even on some of those days we feel forgotten. We had a peaceful time as a family....now if only I could bottle up that feeling and bring it to my house with me to carry me through the "everydayness" of it all. I guess all I need to do is look at those 4 beautiful smiles that are looking at me each day and know that Pearl is smiling at the face of Jesus too......then that peace will continue to be there. I know that all in my head I just need my heart to catch up with all that.....just going to take time!