We found out 5 days ago that my sweet grandma, my kids call her mima, has Stage 4 cancer in her abdomen. It isn't going to be very long until she gets to go meet Jesus! I can't even believe my sweet 93 year old grandma has cancer. Just doesn't seem right....lately nothing has seemed right. I just want the spinning to stop....for just a bit so I can catch my breath. My grandma is the sweetest woman you have ever met. She is also one of the spunkiest ladies I know. I have so many incredible memories of her and know there are more to come...even if the time here is short. I know she is ready to meet Jesus and to be with her sweet husband again. She loves so well and is so courageous.
As I spend time with my grandma I feel like I am walking back into the days when Pearl was alive and moving in my belly. Each moment I felt her move I was reminded it could be the last time I felt her and I held onto each gentle little kick. I knew I needed to stay in the moment and not let my mind go to the day we were going to have to say goodbye. I drank in each sunrise with Pearl as well as each sunset. All without going to the scary place of goodbye...I knew it was only God's grace carrying me through those precious moments. I didn't want her to be born because it meant goodbye and long wait to say hello again....but I knew the moment would come that we had to say goodbye. The goodbye was a holy moment and I know it is going to be the same way when we say goodbye to my grandma. We are drinking in each second we are able to caress her head, rub her leg and just look at her wrinkled hands. I am savoring this time like a hot cup of tea....I just don't want the tea to get cold and the goodbyes to be said. I know it will end...just like our time with Pearl did...but I am so longing for the day we are all together again....no more "stinkin goodbyes", as Zoe would say!
Here are the lyrics, just for you mom :) to the song we have been playing over and over....Selah and Christy Nockels "Faithful One"
I find no hope within to call my own
For I am frail of heart, my strength is gone
But deep within my soul is rising up a song
Here in the comfort of the faithful one
I walk a narrow road through valleys deep
In search of higher ground, on mountains steep
And though with feet unsure, I still keep pressing on.
For I am guided by the faithful one.
Faithful, faithful to the end,
My true and precious friend,
You have been faithful, Faithful, so faithful to me
I see your wounded hands, I touch your side
With thorns upon your brow you bled and died
But there’s an empty tomb, a love for all who come
And give their hearts to you, the faithful one.
Faithful, faithful to the end, My true and precious friend,
You have been faithful, Faithful, so faithful to me
And when the day is dawned and when the race is run I will bow down before God’s only Son And I will lift my hands in praise for all you’ve done And I will worship you, my faithful one.
Go listen to this one now....close your eyes and see His hand gently leading us so faithfully. I'm doing that now with a longing in my heart to run and bow down at his feet with Pearl right at my side.
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5 comments:
Laura, I am so sorry to hear about your Grandma. I have been thinking about you so much.
Mikki
Sweet Little Lyda.... what a beautiful and spunky one! Her legacy will be long and wide. The depth of her faith will continue to ripple through the lives she has touched. And into the next generation as well-- through you, Laura and your kiddos. Keep talking about her, remembering the fun stories about her life, her courage and her love for Jesus. What a testimony to the faithfulness of one. A fabulous lesson for my own life. Don't let that tea get cold. Love, love you. xo e
I love that song. Praying for you that Gods strength would be felt during another time of good-bye and grief. Love you so much. Thankful for a friendship and two brave babies brought together. I can only imagine what your mema will be doing in Heaven with Pearl.
what a beautiful tribute to a wonderful woman!
Praying for you as you face loss once again...but not without hope, my friend! Keep your face up to the One Who loves you best.
Hi there. I am new to your blog (I started reading Angie's AudreyCaroline blog then went to baby Stellan, and now to you!) I just want you to know that I too am a L&D nurse and mom of 3 living kids (I had a baby die in utero early in a pregnany, who is still greatly missed) and I thank you so much for your work. The families suffering loss of their baby really are in such need of the continued support your website is offering. Are you at a place that I can give out your information to the ones who may need it that I work with? I also wanted to let you know that I was introduced to a wonderful book for children who are going through the loss of a sibling-you may already know of it, but it is called "We were going to have a baby, but we had an angel instead" My daughter still asks to read it occasionally and it has proven to be very helpful not only for me, but for those families I have worked with. Thanks for your blog, feel free to contact me through my blog or my email ansjohnson3@msn.com. Thank you again.
Sarah
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