Wednesday, April 23, 2008

I will always remember

I saw a little brown dove sitting on our fence yesterday, it was the first time I have seen the dove this year. I am seeing all kinds of things this Spring that I have not seen in 2 years. I was able to look at the pink flowers in our tree without being mad that it was pink and pretty. Spring means something new this year.

When I saw the dove I was reminded of the dove I tried to help 2 years ago. We had a huge cottonwood tree in our back yard and these 2 doves worked so hard to make the perfect nest for their babies. We had just found out about Pearl's condition and I was so aware of all the flittering preparations that were going on for new life outside, while I sat inside and was preparing for my baby to die. These 2 doves did not make their nest very high up in the tree....we have 2 very smart squirrels who live in our backyard. They are afternoon after lunch the back door was open and a squirrel came inside to eat some of Z's crumbs! One afternoon, as I sat on the back porch I watched these squirrels looking at the nest. The doves were getting nervous...cooing back and forth to eachother. The squirrel started to climb up the tree....I sat and watched horrified. The doves were flying around trying to get the squirrel to go away. He kept climbing up the tree...all of the sudden something in me snapped! I jumped out of the chair and started screaming at the squirrels. I was jumping around, waving my arms trying to protect the nest full of eggs. I grabbed the hose and tried to scare them away by spraying the tree trunk. I wassobbing uncontrollably by this time and the kids couldn't figure out what I was so upset about! In the end I was not able to save the nest full of eggs. I was heartbroken...that I couldn't even help a nest full of eggs or the baby that was still safe inside of me. The doves sat in the tree and on the fence for days...cooing, making sounds that sounded like crying. I was so sad as I listened to the mama dove on my fence. Every once and while the daddy dove would come back, "cry" with her and then fly away again. Finally after a week the mama left too.

Now, 2 years later I saw the dove again. I don't remember if she was back last year or not, but I saw her again last week. She sat on the same spot on the fence and made the same was almost haunting to hear that sound again. All of my feelings came back and I wanted to just cry. I don't know if birds have memories, or if she even remembers the nest full the squirrel got to. For me, I felt like she did remember and she came back for just a day to make sure she never forgot those baby birds.

I will never forget those moments of pure, raw emotion....I also know I cannot expect everyone to remember those moments. I do know that I will always take the time to remember those precious memories....and those that are walking with me closely will never forget either. Just like I have never forgotten about the doves.


Anonymous said...

Keep reminding us, Laura.
We want to remember with you.
Truly we do.

And Lucy is *precious*. Thank you for the e-mail! Oh - I wish I could squeeze her myself!

boltefamily said...

Praying for you Laura. I can totally relate to that story. Sometimes I wonder if my kids think I am looney! :-) It is crazy how little things bring back such powerful memories!

Much Love,

Anonymous said...

Remembering reminds us of where we've been... it's painful to go back but so sweet and healing too. The Shack is a great book about going back...I hope it is continuing to bless you. It sure blessed me. Fun and easy to be with you this morning. Did my heart good to see your face. xo e

Anonymous said...

Always remembering with you. . .even on the other side of the world. Thanks for sharing this memory today. Love you, dear friend. jlh

Adrienne said...

Thanks for sharing this memory. I'm keen on doves and any mention of them since Noah means 'peace' and a dove is a symbol of God's peace and His covenant promises. I love you and can't wait to hang out soon! Manana! Ade xoxox

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Shanygne said...

wow. what powerful images.

I am so proud of you for being able to feel everything and yet keep walking. that's all we can do, right??

Love you so much, my friend!

Emily said...

We'll never forget. Praying for your precious heart today and thanking the Lord for your sweet Pearl's life.