Thursday, February 21, 2008
I need to write....anybody have a spare 12 hours?!
I need to be sitting here everyday writing...I have compsed so many blogs in my head the past few months they just never make it to the computer. My little Lucy is full of so much sunshine....my kids are so good for my heart! Lucy is a drooling machine with cheeks I could eat and a laugh that makes my heart leap! Anytime she makes a peep there are 5 people at her side wanting to know what they can do to make it better. What a gift!
So many things swirling around my head....so little daylight to get it all out. Guess that is why I am not sleeping well because the night is the quietest time of the day. It has been a very intense past few months....full of so many emotions. Good emotions.
I have a new friend who feels like I have known her my whole life...I love that God had this friendship planned from the beginning. Our lives are so much the same and the people we know are so many of the same too. She knows someone my mom went to grade school with! Corie and I also have something else very difficult in common.....we both have babies waiting for us in heaven. Not only that but our babies both had Alobar HPE....we were both given the same diagnosis at 20 week ultrasounds. I feel in love with this family as soon as we met and was so honored that they allowed me to be a part of their journey. On the morning of Larson's delivery I was getting ready and read a quick devotional as I cried out to God to help me walk through this delivery. I didn't know how I would be as I watched a family I loved so much hand their sweet baby into the arms of Jesus. I was crying already....I knew this was not about me...I wanted to give them hope...the same kind of hope I had. I read the scripture, "He comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you know it,he brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us." 2 Corinthians 1:3-5 I wept as I read this and knew that God was not surprised at the timing of this...before I thought I was ready to be a part of this again He brought someone else into my life and allowed me to comfort the way I was comforted. I love how he works! I am always so amazed when He uses me.... I was able to be at Larson's delivery and watch as their family held him in their arms for 23 hours before he went to be with Jesus. Such a tender time....I was able to hold him too and ask him to please kiss Pearl for me and tell her how much I love her. I know she was waiting to welcome Larson and I'm sure he did just what I asked him to do. The moments were almost overwhelming at times because it seems like yesterday that we were doing the same thing....but at the same time it feels like so long ago we were holding her in our arms. I am so proud of this family and how they are walking this journey....I am honored to be a part of their path and thank God daily for what they mean to me. There is another family in another state too who had a baby just like Pearl....even had a sweet nose like Pearl....we are all talking and stand in awe of what a big God we serve who can make this world seem so small.
In the midst of all this, things have been coming together, slowly, to get a Perinatal Hospice set up here. We have been interviewed by some people and word is out that we want to get this started! I so want to get this started so families can know there is hope and help on this journey. I want them to know they are not alone....if only I had unlimited money and time it would happen much faster. I know this is all in God's timing...He is working in this. I am going to get to write my book someday and have many baskets available for families with resources to help them.
I am thankful I am able to be walking in a valley that is not always so dark and it is filled with sounds of laughter on the sunny days. The tears are still there too....but it is not a hopeless kind of crying. Tears and laughter are good things....I need to let myself do more of both.