Saturday, December 30, 2006
We made it through Christmas!! I wondered at many points during the week if I was going to be able to go through with all of it. I think it helped that we were snowed in for 3 of the days before Christmas, unable to get out in all the hustle and bustle. Just the 5 of us at home, playing in the snow and being together. I missed Pearl , but knew her presence was with us as we celebrated with the kids. Man, she celebrated Christmas with JESUS! What a time she had....do you think there will be video of that? I hope so! There has been a peace and a hope that settle in my heart sometimes...when I am not fighting it. Sometimes the waves of fear overtake me and I feel as if I drowning in fear again and He cannot hear my cries to Him. I need to remember just like in the real ocean that you have to go with the waves, dive under them and wait calmly, knowing the wave will pass and I will not drown. Sometimes waves can even be fun if you can stay calm......I want to be able to trust Him and rest knowing that I will not drown and He is there with me. I want the fragrance of heaven to be lingering in my nose.....I want the fragrance to linger when I have left the room....I want my children to be thinking about heaven and all that there is waiting for us when we have left this confusing, painful place. I want to be thinking about heaven when the waves of fear and doubt overtake me. As a new year is almost here there is so much that is behind us...oh what a year! But, there is so much that is ahead of us too. I want to take hold of all those things with hope in my eyes and heart as well as the scent of heaven in my nose.