Wednesday, May 02, 2007
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
Things are changing here in so many ways! Most noticeably is the shape of my belly!! This is the view I see when looking for my feet and I love it. I am almost 31 weeks now and getting anxious to hold a crying baby in my arms. We are even letting ourselves get excited about this....such a different story than last year at this time. When we were at Sam's the other day I started to cry when I saw the boxes of newborn baby diapers and realized that we will be having those in our house again so soon. Last year I did not go out to very many places because of all the baby stuff....too hard to see. Now this year it all seems to be popping out at me and the tears come when I realize that I am getting another turn. Even the blossoms on the trees are teeming with new life and this Spring I am not resenting the new life all around me. We are so thankful. The baby moves around all the time....especially after the 5 Otter Pops I just ate tonight. I love to sit with a pen on my belly and watch the tricks the pen does! There really is someone in there who gets to be at home with us....maybe in less than 8 weeks. We are getting ready to take a deep breath soon. Josh is ready to stop holding his breath and I am too, or at least take a deep breath without shuddering. I can almost feel the baby in my arms and see those little pink cheeks glistening with my tears of joy on them. I am letting myself think about having a baby in our bed in the mornings....OK, who am I kidding, it may be for most of the night too! Makes me weep to think about the reality that is ahead of us....finally not a reality that includes planning for a hello and a goodbye so soon. We did so much preparing to say goodbye to Pearl and now, preparing to say a long hello without a goodbye to quickly follow feels so....is there even a word for how I am feeling? All that I know is I can hardly wait and just want a baby in my arms, warm cheeks to kiss, feet to rub, hands to smell and quiet nights to sit and rock. The emotions are wide and many at this point, but from this view all is well and He is faithful. Gently leading us in the tender way only our Father can.....
The kids are getting excited too! Zoe is sure this is a baby sister and her name is Cherry! I asked her last week what if the baby is a brother...she told me, with the most serious look in her eyes, "If it is a brother you will love it and if it is a sister I will love it!" Oh, sweet Zoe. Oliver is very protective of me and does not ever want me to bend down and pick up anything or bump into anything, "because if you do you may hurt the baby. I'll get it for you mom." He is a little gentleman. Roark is always wanting to know if the baby is moving and how much longer until the baby is here. He is such a little helper too! No names yet....the kids have a lot of suggestions but nothing serious yet. We'll know when this little one arrives what the name will be...or I guess we are hoping so.
Thankful for the view around us that is changing...although at times the dry, desert does not seem to far away. There are days it is cloudy and the sadness lingers. I know now where the green pastures are and I am learning my way back to those places when the days are long and dark. The view ahead is looking lush and I know there will be dry spots and dark nights ahead, but the river of joy up ahead is getting louder and soon will be just the sound I am longing to hear...the cry of a baby in my arms.