Saturday, December 30, 2006
We made it through Christmas!! I wondered at many points during the week if I was going to be able to go through with all of it. I think it helped that we were snowed in for 3 of the days before Christmas, unable to get out in all the hustle and bustle. Just the 5 of us at home, playing in the snow and being together. I missed Pearl , but knew her presence was with us as we celebrated with the kids. Man, she celebrated Christmas with JESUS! What a time she had....do you think there will be video of that? I hope so! There has been a peace and a hope that settle in my heart sometimes...when I am not fighting it. Sometimes the waves of fear overtake me and I feel as if I drowning in fear again and He cannot hear my cries to Him. I need to remember just like in the real ocean that you have to go with the waves, dive under them and wait calmly, knowing the wave will pass and I will not drown. Sometimes waves can even be fun if you can stay calm......I want to be able to trust Him and rest knowing that I will not drown and He is there with me. I want the fragrance of heaven to be lingering in my nose.....I want the fragrance to linger when I have left the room....I want my children to be thinking about heaven and all that there is waiting for us when we have left this confusing, painful place. I want to be thinking about heaven when the waves of fear and doubt overtake me. As a new year is almost here there is so much that is behind us...oh what a year! But, there is so much that is ahead of us too. I want to take hold of all those things with hope in my eyes and heart as well as the scent of heaven in my nose.
Friday, December 29, 2006
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
"Jesus, Jesus how I love thee....Jesus, Jesus precious Jesus, Oh for strength to trust Him more." I need some strength to trust Him more. It is slowly coming....I know in my head that I can trust Him, I need my heart to catch up. The phrase "wrestling with hope" has been coming up lately. I do feel like that is what I am doing and that is a slippery job. It is almost a slippery fish that we can't hold on to, but know that once we capture it all will be well and even the hope will be safely in it's place...tucked away in a bowl of water for all to see a picture of God's faithfulness as well as a constant reminder to us that we have wrestled with the hope and it is a real thing. I need God to just appear to me and tell me all is well. This journey of trusting him is so hard and long sometimes. I am not doing a great job of trusting right now and know that if I can wrap my heart around how much he loves me, I will be able to trust him in ways like never before. I struggle with the thoughts of fear and doubt all the time, but at night when I wake up there is always a song in my head that I wake up singing. I know he is singing over me even in the darkest times of the night. I want to be singing to him too and not just walking around in fear. There is hope for all of us right now and easy to picture as Christmas is fast approaching. I am praying that as we all look into the eyes of the baby Jesus we will see the hope that is there for all of us.