Thank you

I wanted to take some time and let you know how thankful I am for the gift the readers of MCK Mama's blog gave to String of Pearls.  For those of you who don't know Jennifer set up a raffle on her blog....the money that was given went to 3 different organizations.  Over $19,000 dollars was raised and String of Pearls will receive almost $4,000 from the raffle.  Each day as I watched the numbers climb...I knew this was not just people wanting to win a great camera.  This money was from people who were wanting to make a difference in others lives.  These were people who wanted to help families in crisis and to make this heart wrenching journey more bearable, somehow.  

The vision for String of Pearls was created out of a need to reach families with another alternative instead of termination when faced with a fatal prenatal diagnosis.  This dream to walk with families has been growing in our hearts and is quickly becoming a reality.  I can't help but to think of Mary, the mother of Jesus.  She knew God had created something amazing for her...but maybe it didn't feel like a reality until she felt the first kicks in her womb.  I feel like we are feeling the first kicks of the dream God planted in our hearts.  Yes, there is fruit already and families are being reached, but I know there are still big plans in store for String of Pearls.  Each of you who donated are part of the quickening I am feeling in my heart as I sit and write this.  Thank you so much for giving so willingly.   Know each dollar we receive will be used in the best possible way.  

This money will be used to provide families with baskets full of items to make memories with their baby for the short amount of time they have them in their arms.  The money will be used to print brochures about String of Pearls to leave in Dr's hands who counsel patients following a fatal prenatal diagnosis.  Money will allow us to educate staff in hospitals about the concept of perinatal hospice.  I want all of you to know what a gift your donation is to these families....we will be able to let them know they are not alone on this journey. 

I cannot begin to tell you how this touches my heart.  To know that myself and these families are not forgotten is an incredible feeling.  I am so thankful and honored I have the opportunity to walk alongside families who have found themselves on the journey of a lifetime.  I know I will never forget the generosity of so many.  

I also want to thank Jennifer for her precious heart and desire to be a part of what String of Pearls is doing for families.  I had the honor of talking with her when they were not sure if Stellan would live or die.  Even though our stories ended differently she did not forget those of us who belong to the club, the club of families who have had a baby die.  She could have moved on and never spoken to me again.  She did not forget and I know I will never forget her either.  I am so thankful she has Stellan in her arms today.  Both Jennifer and I are the owners of a miracle....hers is in her arms and mine is in heaven.   I am honored she has chosen to remember the families who are walking this journey.  

Thank you again from the bottom of my heart.  

The ache

This month is flying by. School projects, cookies, Christmas trees, lights, Advent activities, Oodle, sick kids, budgets, meetings, shopping, Christmas music, going to bed way to late! We have much to be thankful for this season but I cannot help to feel the ache that is just below the surface of my heart. The ache sneaks up on me and catches me by surprise sometimes and other days the ache is just right there. I know this time of year will always be hard...an ornament on the tree put there by our hands not hers, a missing stocking and placing flowers at her grave instead of presents under the tree. I can't help but to think of the ache Mary must have felt too. She was like so many of us...was giving birth to a son who she knew would die. She treasured every moment...just like I did and she too missed him before he was even gone. I know someday the ache will be gone....when we see Him face to face. For now, the ache is still there...some days I can walk with the ache and other days I just need to lay down and feel the pain in my heart and remember what my sweet baby felt like in my arms.

I read the first 2 books of the Twilight series.....I know, maybe not deepest book to read! I have a sweet friend who loved the books and I always like to see what moves her heart. I was moved by one section of this book. The main character, Bella, is missing Edward...her soul mate. She has been missing him for several months and is slowly coming out of the fog. This is one part of the book that made me cry and spoke to where I am at this moment.

"I lay in my bed a few minutes later, resigned as the pain finally made it's appearance.

It was a crippling thing, this sensation that a huge hole had been punched through my chest, excising my most vital organs and leaving ragged, unleashed gashes around the edges that continued to throb and bleed despite the passage of time. Rationally, I knew my lungs must still be intact, yet I gasped for air and my head spun like my efforts yielded me nothing. My heart must have been beating, too, but I couldn't hear the sound of my pulse in my ears; my hands felt blue with cold. I curled inward, hugging my ribs to hold myself together. I scrambled for my numbness, my denial, but it evaded me.

And yet, I found I could survive. I was alert, I felt the pain- the aching loss that radiated out from my chest, sending wracking waves of hurt through my limbs and head- but it was manageable. I could live through it. It didn't feel like the pain had weakened over time, rather that I'd grown strong enough to bear it.

Whatever it was that had happened tonight- and whether it was the zombies, the adrenaline, or the hallucinations that were responsible- it had woken me up.

For the first time in a long time, I didn't know what to expect in the morning." New Moon Stephanie Myers p. 118-119

Knowing you can survive through the pain.....a gift only God can give us. He has already given this gift, we just need to receive it. My hope for so many familieswho are hurting this season is that they will see the gift that has come...the gift that we cannot fully understand, the gift that will not take away all the questions, the gift gives us hope that we will survive the pain and can have hope in our hearts.

Thankful

I am thankful for so much....I don't think I can begin to make my list right now, but I am going to do it this week. The list is long and each one of you who read my blog and pray for us and String of Pearls is a part of that list too. Thank you so much.

I wanted to follow up on my post about Mck Mama and her plan to have businesses donate a portion of their proceeds to String of Pearls on her baby Stellan's behalf. Here they are!



Heidi at Candles For Causes sells Mia Bella Gourmet Natural Wax Candles and other fine products and will donate a minimum of 50% of profits from now until ?.

Pamper yourself with fabulous Mary Kay skin-care products from Melissa, an independent beauty consultant. Visit www.marykay.com/mbernardino today and 30% of net sales will be donated!

Jessica at Jekuthiel Gifts does websites, calendars, labels, bumper stickers, knitted potholders & baby items. For every $5 spent on her website through Dec 20th, $1 will be donated to String of Pearls.

Katy, an independent Tastefully Simple Consult, sells easy to prepare gourmet foods and will donate 10% of proceeds from sales beginning NOW until January 1, 2009! (Please email her at kdortenzo@gmail.com after you order so that she knows that 10% of that order goes to String of Pearls.)

Christine sells Tastefully Simple and will donate 20% of all sales from now through December 31, 2008. www.tastefullysimple.com/web/cengman



Robyn at Brace Yourself Designs makes keepsake jewelry, mommybracelets and more, and will donate 10% of all proceeds, anytime you mention this endeavor (through Christmas and beyond!!)



Darla, Independent Consultant with Arbonne International which offers pure, safe, and beneficial botancial baby care products, will donate 35% of proceeds from sales of the Arbonne Baby Care line through December 2009 and can be reached at creecherdk@yahoo.com.



Emily at Apple of My Eye Gifts makes unique children's clothing and baby items, and she will be donating 15% of her proceeds through the month of December.



Conquer eczema, wrinkles, fatigue and weight-gain with Julie. Arbonne’s premium skin-care and wellness products are vegan, with no parabens, no mineral oil, no chemical dyes or fragrances. Ask how you can save 35% and String of Pearls can get 14%.



Shawna at Firefly Photo Jewelry handcrafts custom soldered photo jewelry as well as handstamped jewels and would be honored to donate 10% of all proceeds from sales from now until New Years Eve.



Abigail with Missy Prissy Bow Boutique, which sells Prissy Bows for Your Little Princess's Crown, will donate 10% of every Stellan's String of Pearls order, from January 1, 2009 - January 15, 2009.



Lisa and Aleacia at Memorystones create customized lifebooks for foster and adopted children, and scrapbook scripture frames. They will be donating 20% of all profits to String of Pearls from now until February 15, 2009. Please email them at jer17v7@yahoo.com for more information!



Melissa at Little Peanut Designs sells fun and trendy products for kids and mommies and will donate 10% of the proceeds from sales between now and Christmas. (Upon ordering, please e-mail melissa@littlepeanutdesigns and mention Stellan Supports String of Pearls, so they can be assured String of Pearls receives their donations.)


The girls at Tamz have a product to tame those flyaways & unruly brows! At $8.95 a bottle, this is a great stocking stuffer and for purchases made throughout the holiday season, 10% of their proceeds will be donated!



Kerry at Shiloh Photography will donate 15% of any shoot booked in 2008 to String of Pearls. Mention String of Pearls or the MckFamily when you contact them.



Elizabeth Engelhardt Creations sells handmade cards...invitations, announcements, thank yous, Christmas cards, and more. Please stop by to place your order and to see what all she has to offer.



Leslee of http://www.kikiandlele.com/ will be donating 20% of all proceeds starting December 1st through December 10th and we will throw in FREE shipping! Kiki & Lele specialize in "hand-stamped personalized sterling silver jewelry" and also make hair clips.



Melissa at http://www.colormehappy-designs.blogspot.com/ sells personalized and custom photo cards and scrappy blog designs and will donate 10% of proceeds from any orders placed before the end of 2008.



Nikki at http://www.wrappedinlove.net/ custom makes ring slings so that you can keep your baby close to your heart while having your hands free. Now through December 31st, $5 from each purchase over $20 will be donated to String of Pearls.



Jennifer at http://www.mommynecklace.blogspot.com/makes custom mommy necklaces and will donate 25% of proceeds from sales to String of Pearls. This will be an ongoing donation; however, all purchases needed for Christmas will need to be made by December 10th in order to guarantee delivery by the 25th.



A sweet gal who wished to remain anonymous let me know of her intention to donate some of the profits of her custom invitation business to String of Pearls!



LoraAnn with LoraAnnphotography.com will donate 50% from every $100. Family/Holiday Portrait Session booked between NOW and 1/31/2009.(mention String of Pearls)Also, any wedding booked EVER (when mentioning String of Pearls) , String of Pearls will receive $50 upon 100% payment.



Please visit Kay at website at http://www.engravedeuniques.com and mention String of Pearls in the comment section when an order is placed for one of her fabulous engraved tiles.



Alicia at Lavender's Blue sells custom baby gifts and will send 25% of the proceeds for the next 3 months to Stellan Supports String of Pearls.





This is a great way to get some Christmas shopping done without getting out of your bathrobe. I know I am planning on shopping this way!

This money is so needed right now...I have several meetings set up with the individual Perinatologist offices in the next several weeks and the referrals for more clients continue to come in. This is much bigger than I am and I am so honored God has allowed us to use our time with Pearl in a way to help other families. The families I have spoken with are all such amazing people who love their babies with an amazing passion. I am looking forward to the day our babies will introduce us to each other after we have fallen at the feet of Jesus.

My sweet friend Corie, Larson's mama, is having a party this week to help me put together baskets to send to the families we are working with. This time together will be such a gift to so many people...I am so thankful for Corie and her willingness to lighten the workload for me! I will have 20 baskets in my basement ready to be given to these families. This is another example of what I have to be thankful for.

Josie's mama, a family we have helped through String Of Pearls, just started a blog. I asked her permission to post her blog here and she agreed! She has an amazing story and just said goodbye to her sweet baby 1 month ago. You can ready her story at http://holdingheaven-josie.blogspot.com/ Josie is a beautiful baby and I know she is so missed.

I'm missing Pearl too....but so thankful she came.

MCK Mama

MCK Mama is at it again! She has another idea up her sleeve to raise some money for String of Pearls. She is a treasure and has an amazing story about here sweet baby Stellan. I am so thankful she is not a part of this "club" and also so thankful she has not forgotten about those of us who still a part of the "club".

She is also in a contest for the Divine Caroline blogger award....she has said she will donate all of her winnings to String of Pearls. Go here, down on the left side of the blog and click on the link to the Divine Caroline Button to vote for her blog! The contest ends November 30th.

I have more to blog about, first I better go be sure there are no open bottles of nail polish and no wrestling going on!

Our day

Thanks so much for praying! O's surgery went well....waking up from anesthesia was very difficult and so hard to watch my sweet boy scream for an hour. None of my mommy tricks worked so I just sat there and rubbed his curls. Not much sleep for us last night...I was so worried he was going to rub his nose and undo the surgeons hard work. Would it be mean if I had him in a hockey goalie helmet 24 hours a day for the nest 6 weeks?

Today was a bit crazy...a 7 year old who had surgery yesterday, a 4 year old who needed some serious attention and an adventurous 17 month old with a bottle of OPI "Tiptoe through the tulips" nail polish and a travertine tile floor! Hmmm quite a mess..I wonder if my husband will notice the pink hue to the tile?

Tomorrow is another day and hopefully tonight will be filled with a bit more sleep.

My curly haired boy!

Doesn't this face make you smile? Makes me smile too! At 8 am tomorrow he will be having surgery to repair his deviated septum and have his adenoids removed....for the 2nd time in 2 years!!! All of us are nervous and I just want the day to be over with. This sweet boy has never been able to fully breathe out of his nose, has sleep apnea, and snores louder than most grown men! Will you pray for skilled hands for the surgeon, a smooth surgery and a peaceful recovery? Someday I will tell you about the recovery last time...let's just say it was not one of my best mommy moments one afternoon when I couldn't get him to drink liquids or take his pain medication! Pray that we will have peace and fear will not invade our hearts and minds. We are putting our faith in God and not faith in faith! Thank you so much for praying...I know He hears us.

I'm still here!

The last 4 weeks have gone by way to fast! A great trip to Disney, the beach, sick kids, sick mom and dad, sick kids, 3rd grade science projects, String of Pearls meetings and trying to sleep, eat, play, give kisses and do laundry!

The last month several of the families I have been working with for String of Pearls have had their babies and Pearl has a few new friends in heaven. Please pray for Josie's mom and dad, Savannah's mom and dad and Isaac's mom and dad. The grief is so raw for these families....takes me back to the raw times for us and then I remember it doesn't take much for me to go back to that place. I am thankful for time and thankful for the reminders of my sweet baby. She is making a difference to so many families...I am proud to be her mama!

So many thoughts swirling around in my head now...the words won't come out though! I know the words will come eventually!

PS- L was not so happy with all the big furry characters at Disney! R was a good protector!

Remembering

Today I am remembering and praying for families I know who have had to say goodbye to their sweet baby much to soon. Today is Infant Loss Awareness Day....what an awful sentence. I know I don't need one day to remember the baby I no longer have in my arms! It is comforting to know there are many who are thinking of the babies who have gone to heaven to soon!

I'm thankful it's sunny here today and we can look up at the beautiful blue sky and know our babies are safe and loved in the arms of Jesus. I'm asking Him to give Pearl an extra squeeze for me today and a kiss on her sweet cheeks. I'm alsoasking Him to kiss: Larson, Sophie, Noah, Jack, Maddox, Miller Grace, Asher, Isaac, David, Ethan, Maxwell, Christian, Charlotte, Micah, Morgen, Audrey, Jack, Brodie and Caden....we will be with all of you again in just a moment. We love you....

Lance in Aspen

Some of you may not know this about me but I love true athletes...cyclists, triathletes, runners and swimmers. I have so many sweet memories of watching the Tour de France growing up and going to the Coors Classic. We were so excited when we caught one of the water bottles the cyclists would throw off their bikes. I still have an autographed hat from one of the bike races a long time ago.

The summer Pearl died I spent many nights watching the Tour de France. Just hearing the voices of Al and Bob do the commentating for the race was so soothing to me. I knew they were going to be there all night and in between the moments the tears stopped I watched and cheered so loud for Floyd Landis. "Come on Floyd, you can do it!" His coach said that to him over and over again as he climbed the Alpe de Huez. Now, I know that it was discovered that Floyd used a performance enhancing drug as was disqualified and Oscar Pereiro received the title of winner. Anyway...Floyd had an incredible ride and it helped my heart so much to cheer the amazing athletes on.

Each summer the Tour is on I am glued to the TV at night catching up on the races...it is a connection to me with the summer Pearl was here with us. Makes me feel so warm inside to be doing the same thing over again...lets me relive some of the feelings without the profound sadness. A tradition...J always laughs at me when I say that!

J had a conference in Aspen a few weeks ago, L and I went along for some great room service, extra time with J and a great afternoon at the Bliss Spa! It was a perfect weekend. The night before we left we heard Lance Armstrong (I know all of you know who he is!) was going to be racing in Snowmass the next morning. The race was in a relay form...each lap was 7 miles long with 1500 ft of climbing! Lance was part of a team and I was going to be there to watch one of my heroes race! I forfeited one more morning of room service, made J get up early, pack the car and drive the 15 min to Snowmass. I was like a little girl at the circus...I walked so fast just to see if we would get a peek. When we arrived the race had already started and we did not know what leg Lance was racing. The closer we got to the start I realized....there was Lance Armstrong...at.the.start.line!! We slowly walked took a few pics and watched him start. I was giddy...we walked around, checked out the booths and decided to wait a few more min before we headed home. Suddenly, Lance starts coming down the hill to the hand off zone and then walks his bike over to the tent we are standing at. I smiled at him and squeezed L a little too tight because I was excited!

Ok, so this may not be a big deal to some...but for me it was God's little gift for me. The timing of being there when Lance was there was something only God could have done for us. Lance left to go to a private room as soon as he cooled down and was not seen again until his next lap 2 hours later. I so love it when little gifts land in our laps. I have learned to look for the little gifts more...sometimes we get so busy we forget to see the small treasures and get so upset when everything else seems so hard and confusing. I want to challenge you to look for the little gifts...the handfuls on purpose. They are everywhere...it just may take a more time,patience or creativity to find them.

My heart

My heart has been so heavy...I know it is the combination of so many things. Seasons changing always throws me to the edge of the hole again...so many memories for me that come with the change of seasons. Every time I hope it will be different and it isn't. I'm learning to just go with it and let myself be sad if I need to be. Sad for what I'm missing, sad for what so many others are missing right now. I know on this side of heaven something will always be missing...there are just moments that is feels more obvious than others.

I so want to go to the cemetery to visit Pearl and just haven't been brave enough to go there lately. I think I am afraid of what I will do...it's been a while since I have been and even typing that out feels so wrong. I use to go every week and now....I just miss her so much. Sweet baby girl all snuggled up in my arms...I can take a deep breath and still feel her little behind in the crook of my arm. I am so thankful I can still feel it...even 2 years later. I don't think the longing to hold her again will ever go away, I think it just gets easier to walk the road with an intense longing in your heart.

The presentations for String of Pearls have been made at 2 local OB offices and I will be going to a large Perinatologist practice in 2 weeks. I am amazed at how God uses the longing in my heart to hold my Pearl, to show the Dr's how real this journey really is. I feel so passionate about providing each family the privilege of holding their baby in their arms and never forgetting the weight of their sweet behind.

I know the longing and sadness in my heart is for these families who are at the beginning of this journey. I think of these women all the time...praying for a blanket of peace to be around them. Just like the blanket covering me. The peace is real...we just need to crawl to it. Will you pray for: Christina, Nicole, Shannon, Jennifer, Sadie, Jessie and Stacy. Amazing brave families who are going to meet their babies soon or have already said hello and goodbye.

I am so thankful for the moments with Pearl....thankful for the reminder of the season changes. Thankful He is the same yesterday, today and forever.

Focus on the Family

The interview Josh and I did for Focus on the Family in November of last year is out today. This will be perfect for me to take to the office on Friday...this give a quick glimpse of why we did what we did with Pearl.

http://www.heartlink.org/beavoice/A000000640.cfm

We are praying many families are touched by this story and many babies will get the chance to be held in the arms of their mama and daddy before they are held in the arms of Jesus.

My button!

MCK mama made me my own button for String of Pearls and her sweet friend Jennisa at http://www.onceuponablog.org/ helped me get the button posted so you can add the button to your blog too!! Just copy the text in the small box and add it as a gadget to your sidebar on your blog. I am so thankful for all of the help they gave me.

So many have contacted us looking for information about String of Pearls. Please keep praying for these families..they are hurting and scared. We are so thankful we are able to let others know there is hope as they walk this journey.

Will you pray for me on Friday this week? I am going to present String of Pearls to the office where I went when I was pregnant with Pearl...and the other 4 kids too! This could be an emotional morning, but once again I am so honored to be able to present to the medical professionals that we want to work with them as a team to be able to offer women a choice! I continue to stand amazed at God's faithfulness to us on this journey.

I am continuing to ask Him for strength and courage to walk on this road...there are moments I am very tired, but then I hear the still small voice gently leading me forward and I can almost hear my Pearl saying, "I love you mama, I am proud of you." Then I can keep going...I am praying many of you will hear the sweet, gentle voice of Jesus as well and continue to walk the path you have so bravely chosen. You are not alone...we are cheering you on and I know your babies are too.

I am amazed

The conference this weekend was great...I talked for over an hour and we had some time to answer questions. J and I were able to talk with some people after the meeting and I know many were touched by Pearl's story. People gained a better understanding of grief and if only one person walked away knowing better how to talk to a grieving person then it was all worth it. I could tell so many were praying...I wasn't really nervous and my voice didn't even shake! I am looking forward to the next time we are able to tell our story.

I received an email this week from MCK Mama...some of you may know her! She is now 30 weeks pregnant with Stellan....he is a miracle baby! Check out her blog for the full story by clicking on the button to the right...yes up there! She asked me if people wanting to donate in Stellan's honor could donate to String of Pearls! I was so honored as well as surprised...then I was reminded that nothing takes God by surprise so I should say yes...I did say yes with a lump in my throat and a tears in my eyes. This really isn't about the money..although money is something we do need to keep String of Pearls running. We do need money for brochures and gift packets etc....this is really about reaching families who feel so alone. This is about giving people a different option and a hand to hold. I am honored God would use us this way. Thank you so much MCK Mama for allowing Stellan to be a part of our story.

Settling in

Thanks so much for praying for me....I do feel as if I am settling into the fall routine and feeling better about getting String of Pearls launched. I am speaking at a conference this weekend about our time with Pearl as well as the basics of Perinatal Hospice. I do have most of my talk figured out...just need to do some more fine tuning. Keep praying for me when you think about it! I know this is going to be an incredible opportunity to tell our story and make others aware of resources available to families who are walking this difficult road.

I am bringing everyone to the conference this weekend...in a beautiful city in the mountains! It will be good for us to be away all together with no distractions. My talk is early Saturday morning, so we will have time to play too. R is a little nervous about me telling our story....he wanted to know if I was going to cry. I told him I probably would but I would be ok. He is having a hard time adjusting to school....I was praying for him last week and felt like I needed to let his teacher know some of the history at our house. I am not using our history as an excuse for attitude but I felt like he was afraid to leave the girls and I at home. I had a good talk with his teacher and a good talk with R as well. I know he is worried bout leaving L all day...most mornings he says to me, "Mom, make sure L doesn't walk today without me and make sure the basement door is closed." Today I left the girls with a baby sitter and he couldn't believe I was going to let "L crawl around all day while I wasn't home with her. Will you make sure she is safe with the babysitter?" Poor boy is so worried about L. We have been praying for the fear to not take root in his heart and for him to be peaceful and content. I know grieving is a process and sometimes I forget how deeply my kids have been affected by the loss of Pearl too. They don't even know why they are feeling those anxious, fearful thoughts....this is a good reminder for us to be praying for their hearts to be covered as well as wisdom to know how to talk with them and help them to be able to articulate how they are feeling. I guess this is the prayer we need to have for our own hearts too....this is all part of the journey.

WOW!!!

What a day for our country...I need to get to the after school rush but I wanted to say GO SARAH PALIN!!!!

Please pray

The boys are both back in school and the need for a good routine is pressing in on all sides! I think all of us are fighting it too. Hard to let them be gone all day. I have been sad the last few days missing the boys. Even Z and L are missing their brothers.

I now have a little more quiet around here and have been hard at work with the pressing issues for String of Pearls. Setting up meetings, getting our reciepts put together, designing brochures, sending reciepts, and writing. This is all very exciting but I have to admit I am a bit discouraged too. I can't put my finger on exactly why, just feeling down. I was talking with my sweet friend Corie today and she reminded me this is a spiritual battle we are in and Satan does not want us to be putting this organization together. He wants me to be tired and discouraged. I cannot do this on my own. We need people to be praying for us. Will you pray for us? Will you pray for me as I prepare to speak at a conference in 2 weeks and meet with several of the larger physican groups in Denver next month. I am asking God for a clear mind and a heart that hears what He is wanting me to say. I do not want to be weary....preparing to speak about all of the emotions we went through with Pearl takes a lot out of me...I re-live each moment we spent with her and begin to feel the dark depths of my pain again. I still feel the pain, but I don't want the pain to paralyze me. I know He will equip me to do what He has called me to do.

I know this post is all over the place! Thank you for praying for me as well as our family. I know this effects our kids too and I want them to be protected and for much grace to be present in our home.

I will keep you updated on how the conference goes as well as the meetings here with the Dr.s.

Much to say

What a month we have had! I have so much to write about and just not enough time. The boys are going back to school next week and I will have some quiet afternoons to sit and write while the girls are napping.

I do have some exciting news I can finally share....String of Pearls is now official! Our website is up, we have meetings set up with Doctors in the Denver area and our 501c3 paperwork is being approved! I feel like this has taken so long to get to this point and I am so thankful for all the people that have been a part of making this become a reality. I'm continually amazed at how God continues to use one tiny baby girl to reach out to so many others. We are standing in awe of how God is working and daily living out the "insteads" of Isaiah 61:2-3 To proclaim the year of the Lord's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion- to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.

The hard days continue to come in waves, but the depths are not as deep. I miss Pearl more than ever at this moment, and would give anything to have my dark haired baby in my arms again. I was thinking last night how I would have loved to hear her make a sound...then was reminded that the first sound she made was when she was sitting at the throne of God! Wow, what a picture I can hardly wait to be a part of. I am thankful for the ability we have to honor her life and help so many others on this journey.

Will you pray for me and for those that are involved in String of Pearls? We are choosing to help others honor life and we need to cover these precious families in prayer as well as the people that are involved in caring for the families. Will you also consider financially helping String of Pearls? The website gives a detailed account of the services we will provide and our goal is to do this at no charge to the families. There is a place on the website to donate online as well as a mailing address. Our desire is to reach as many families as possible and give them hope and peace as they walk the most difficult journey of their lives. Thank you for praying and supporting us each step of the way.

Go see our beautiful website at http://www.stringofpearlsonline.org/

I'll be back soon with some good stories of our last month!

Celebrating Lyda

For those of you who found the information about my grandma by google, here are the details about the services.

July 8- 5pm-7pm Visitation with Rosary following at 7pm- Horan and McConaty 1091 S. Colorado Blvd. Denver

July 9- 9am Funeral Mass St Francis De Sales Church 300 S. Sherman St Denver

Our family has requested in lieu of flowers donations can be made in Lyda's name to Alternatives Pregnancy Center 1440 Blake Street, Suite 200Denver, Colorado 80202

Thank you so much for praying for our family during these next several days. We are looking forward to celebrating her life, and missing her strong presence so much as well.

Lyda Julia Conway August 9, 1914 - July 5, 2008

My sweet grandma is holding my sweet Pearl in her arms today. Yesterday afternoon my grandma was ushered into the very presence of God...say that again...the presence of GOD....she was met with a loud, "Well done, my good and faithful servant." We are so happy for my grandma but we will miss her so much. I know I will have much more to write later...for now we are remembering what it means to be held.....

Mima- No matter how long...its still to short!

We found out 5 days ago that my sweet grandma, my kids call her mima, has Stage 4 cancer in her abdomen. It isn't going to be very long until she gets to go meet Jesus! I can't even believe my sweet 93 year old grandma has cancer. Just doesn't seem right....lately nothing has seemed right. I just want the spinning to stop....for just a bit so I can catch my breath. My grandma is the sweetest woman you have ever met. She is also one of the spunkiest ladies I know. I have so many incredible memories of her and know there are more to come...even if the time here is short. I know she is ready to meet Jesus and to be with her sweet husband again. She loves so well and is so courageous.

As I spend time with my grandma I feel like I am walking back into the days when Pearl was alive and moving in my belly. Each moment I felt her move I was reminded it could be the last time I felt her and I held onto each gentle little kick. I knew I needed to stay in the moment and not let my mind go to the day we were going to have to say goodbye. I drank in each sunrise with Pearl as well as each sunset. All without going to the scary place of goodbye...I knew it was only God's grace carrying me through those precious moments. I didn't want her to be born because it meant goodbye and long wait to say hello again....but I knew the moment would come that we had to say goodbye. The goodbye was a holy moment and I know it is going to be the same way when we say goodbye to my grandma. We are drinking in each second we are able to caress her head, rub her leg and just look at her wrinkled hands. I am savoring this time like a hot cup of tea....I just don't want the tea to get cold and the goodbyes to be said. I know it will end...just like our time with Pearl did...but I am so longing for the day we are all together again....no more "stinkin goodbyes", as Zoe would say!

Here are the lyrics, just for you mom :) to the song we have been playing over and over....Selah and Christy Nockels "Faithful One"

I find no hope within to call my own
For I am frail of heart, my strength is gone
But deep within my soul is rising up a song
Here in the comfort of the faithful one

I walk a narrow road through valleys deep
In search of higher ground, on mountains steep
And though with feet unsure, I still keep pressing on.
For I am guided by the faithful one.

Faithful, faithful to the end,
My true and precious friend,
You have been faithful, Faithful, so faithful to me

I see your wounded hands, I touch your side
With thorns upon your brow you bled and died
But there’s an empty tomb, a love for all who come
And give their hearts to you, the faithful one.

Faithful, faithful to the end, My true and precious friend,
You have been faithful, Faithful, so faithful to me

And when the day is dawned and when the race is run I will bow down before God’s only Son And I will lift my hands in praise for all you’ve done And I will worship you, my faithful one.

Go listen to this one now....close your eyes and see His hand gently leading us so faithfully. I'm doing that now with a longing in my heart to run and bow down at his feet with Pearl right at my side.